Beauty and Da Beast Podcast w/ Joey Diaz and Felicia Michaels

Who's missing an ear!?! The problem with calling everybody out in the neighborhood. Felipe Esparza drops by and talks about his experiences with the "rocks of hell." 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode69.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:48am PDT

Joey's Tainted Vision Infomercial

Joey hawks the wares of our sponsor... Not to be missed. Taken from the Midnight Mass Live Special on 12/24/11

Direct download: Joey_Diaz_Tainted_Vision_Arts_Infomercial.mov
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:22pm PDT

The cookie Nazi returns. Joey goes deep on the Whitney Houston story. Special guest Vivid girl and erotic model Lux Kassidy!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode68.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:34am PDT

Don't worry and don't say a word, because Abuela's going to save the day! For crying outloud, never google your parents! What do El Negro Marcello and Nick the Greek have in common? They'll peel off and give you some bills, when your Ma ain't looking. Comic Nina Manni drops by and talks about her experiences growing up as the daughter of a notorious Philly meth dealer.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode67.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:23pm PDT

Bored, need a drink, but you're locked up in Prison? All you need is a toilet, leftover fruit cocktail and a couple cubes of sugar - then it's PRUNO TIME BITCHES! Comic George Perez stops by and talks about what he learned about himself, after being sent to Wasco State Prison on Christmas Eve.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_-_Episode_66.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:25pm PDT

Wanna dodge the cops? Then act normal and walk like a civilian!!! The story about the man with the Mexican spine. Um, excuse me - can you Eddie Murphy it up a bit? Rick Ramos drops by to discuss, It Came From The Seventies... AKA Our slant on movie picks for the family during any holiday.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_-_Episode65.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:28pm PDT

You got a paper route? Then hellz to the yeah, you can get a line of credit! Quick hide the Barbie Townhouse, Tati's coming over for coffee and a man to man chat. Special guest this week is none other then mixed martial arts commentator for the UFC Eddie Bravo, who squeals about his secret obsession.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode64.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:54am PDT

Forget waterboarding, use Icy Hot as your new interogation technique. How to stand with friends, when da sh*t gets deep. Everybody's favorite girl scout, Danielle Stewart beguiles us with her tales of Strike Anywhere matches, men who set fires then wanna spoon, and her long ago secret addiction to Binaca.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode63.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:36pm PDT

The story of the fire eating dragon and the girl who loved toe jam. Beware of fat babies and their quick little fingers. Field trips to the liquor store. Sometimes in comedy you just need to put your tongue away, wash your face and never look back. Special guest is none other then super Hebrew, Ari Shaffir! C'mon America, DO THE HUSTLE!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode62.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:11pm PDT

The story of the fist fight and the Transvestite Karaoke Bar. F.y.i. we don't give a Frenchman's f*ck what you think, that woman looks like Ralphie May. Special Halloween guest - the Scream Queen herself, Jewel Shepard stops in the studio and shares how she was discovered by the director of the cult classic movie "Return of The Living Dead." 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode61.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:56am PDT

The story of pingita and the old woman who screamed, "Bingo!" Just because you can fry a Steak umm and watch the devil fall in a hole, it still don't mean that makes you a man. Ladies and Gentlemen, Glenn Campbell!!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode60.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:57pm PDT

You gotta a situation that needs to be taken care of, and you wanna know the square root of 69? Call Joey's stepdad! We say, if you see a woman with her hula hoop - it's time for the REVOLUTION BITCHES!!! The wedding that Joey couldn't resist. Last but not least, the man that wore a dickie but couldn't have a drink.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode59.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:14pm PDT

Joey reveals his secret meatloaf ingredient. Things that scare Felicia in the dark when she's sober. Faceless anonymity on the internet is for C*CKSUCKERS! Our love affair with Texas is finally revealed.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode58.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:20am PDT

Joey tells the story about the girl who sucked outside her circle. "A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature.." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson. I don't know who that blowhard was talking about - but my bitches have my back!! The chick with David Bowie's Vagina.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode_57.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 7:36am PDT

Joey Diaz and Felicia Michaels animated!?! Based on musings from their popular RAWSOME podcast. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastAnimation_1_Papayas-desktop.m4v
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:12pm PDT

Really, you sent the getaway driver? That's so "B" team... Beach accidents - Fellini Style. Surveillance photos, they never catch your good side. And of course, the tale of the babysitter who could file down a key.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode56.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:57pm PDT

Attack of the apocalyptic monkeys. What's really at the end of the rainbow - leather pants and an ear beating? Nail clippers that multi-task. Mr. Softy and the Museum of Knuckleheads. Hooray, we have new theme music thanks to Mr. Gary Myrick.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode55.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:57pm PDT

Been caught stealing, when I was 5.  Got a bowl movement up on deck, there's always the balcony. How to be a bookie when you ain't got Bank. Stop faking the funk as a nation!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode54.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:29pm PDT

The skinny on furburgers. Burning bridges, and taking no prisoners - our ode to Doug Stanhope. The art of taking people's SH*T!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode53.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:52am PDT

The man from Keen-tucky and his detective kit. Checking in on your skeletons. Joey creates his own perfume... Eu de Cuban egg roll.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode52.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:24am PDT

The trials and tribulations of being a one man parade. Dracula arrives in East Orange. A prostitute goes rogue on Eye Witness news. The tale of the Tick Tock Hotel and the hottest nanny in town. When Hubba Bubba attacks!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode51.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:05am PDT

The tale of the Chinese woman and the bucket full of poison. See why Yelp ranks Joey as one of the top 5 best tour guides in North Hollywood. The things you see behind your brother's eye, during a cocaine blizzard. Hooray!!! Georgie H. visits the studio for our 50TH EPISODE !!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode50.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:10pm PDT

Think before you ink. The tale of two Germans and the maid who lost her key. Crybabies, whiners and victims... Another typical Friday night at the movies.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode49.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:58pm PDT

Whether it be a random, spur-of-the-moment snapshot or a well-thought-out composition, phone sex photos ROCK! Joey shares a few tips on how to handle prison when one is faced with time. The inspirational tale of the girl who had to follow canned heat.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode48.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:05pm PDT

Joey waxes poetic over the great Roberto Clemente. Things you find when going anal. Sports camp confidential. The tale of the great 4th of July cake - American on the outside, Mexican on the inside.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode47.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:37pm PDT

Your fantasy heist still eating away at you after all these years? Curious about the things chicks do while their mouths are open and a handkerchief is in hand? Does  the Tao of Jeet Kune Do compel you?  Well, we got all the answers C*CKSUCKERS!!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode46.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:10pm PDT

Legendary tales from the Sacred Heart School for Boys. A man named Jack and his big ass stick. Single moms who yell, "Go for the ribs, don't let that bastard breathe!" The best bet is when you gamble on yourself. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode45.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:57pm PDT

Confucius said, "Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change." He also said, "Damn girl, you better stop dry-humping trolls!" Guest host Danielle Stewart and Joey talk about the ugly crash of hitting ones bottom, when getting sober. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode44.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:40pm PDT

Guest co-host Danielle Stewart (Dani Skirts) is in the HOUSE! Damn you Luther Vandross, and your smooth and silky trickery!!! A certain cop riding your ass? No worries, call the local Bruja. Prince and Doug Stanhope, brothers from another Mother?

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode43.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:52pm PDT

What do you do after giving the crypt-keepers a bump? You steal his keys of course... Miss sweet piece of meat herself, Comic Danielle Stewart drops by and talks about things you can wrap your tongue around. Old folks unite and open a sweet can of whoop ass. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode41.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:38am PDT

Your child suffering from night terrors? Not any more, after you slip a Beretta with a silencer into his hands. We bring you "The mystery of the bad chicken on Cinco de Mayo." Today's ambulances... Not your mother's meat wagon.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode40.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:57pm PDT

The real effin skinny on the Lawnmower Man. What do helicopters, porn and Lucky charms have in common? Hey Joey, "Is that Banana Bread in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode_39.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:22pm PDT

The tree of revenge does not carry fruit... Unless you have a heck of a lot of patience, and access to a lead pipe. Also, the tale of Lawrence Taylor and the rock that pissed him way off. Harry Dean Stanton, purveyor of filthy jokes? Hellz to the YEAH!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode38.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:50pm PDT

The tale of a girl in a halter top, and the heroin addict who wouldn't leave her alone. Uncle Joey's medical advice - always start the day off with a mega dose of the Prince of Darkness himself! Steven Tyler + Jersey Shore = Ass Whooping!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast__Episode37.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:09am PDT

Joey quits smoking, AGAIN! Felicia reviews the documentary "American - The Bill Hicks Story." Things you can do in Philly when you are 13, with a sugar cube full of acid.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode36.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:24pm PDT

The adventures of a randy 12 year old and the neighborhood Milf. Family members that ya love to hate. The emotional enlightenment that murder fantasies can bring. We're back from vacation, BITCHES!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaPodcast_Episode35.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:56am PDT

Felicia learns what papayas really are in Cuba. Joey Spills the beans about his only threesome. They also share intimate details of stabbings and wanting to blow James Coburn in the morning dew..

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_PapayasThreesomesMichaelVickJamesCoburn_Episode10.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:53am PDT

Mr. Martini Suck My Weenie - Episode 34

Prayer circles, arson - not just for grown-ups, steroids, and things that taste like a nutty Irishmen in the still of the night. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode34.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:03am PDT

Joey responds openly and honestly over a listener's e-mail. What to do when a cop pulls up next to you, as you are doing a line. Friends and the cool people they eventually become. Beware of the drunk Transexual and her ice cream scooper.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode33.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:18am PDT

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, And Keep Your Trap Shut - Da Cops Are Here  Episode 32

What does a child remember most when his family's apartment gets tossed by the cops? If you're Joey Diaz, probably a grandma and her ball of string... Subtext, why the hell is it so important and why do some people make money off of it? And of course, the pros and cons of dancing on a Prostitute's toes.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode32.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:50am PDT

Joey talks about the bindles hidden in his mother's bra. The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club... Unless of course you have a PODCAST! Yes Virginia, sometimes Godfathers take you for an ice cream treat, sometimes they want to put a cap in your ASS! And of course, the tale of the wh*re with the bright idea.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast__Episode31.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:29pm PDT

Joey shares the tale of his first ever drug rip off - from his mom. The kids have their first on air hissy fit and GODDAMN IT Ming Melstein, we hope your plying your bait and switch fireworks scheme in HELL!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode30.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:36am PDT

Who's bright idea was it to let Joey guard the Bar Mitzvah presents? Friends that can't let go, but still have the nerve to want their damn money back. Christ - will someone please give Felicia a cup of joe and an attitude adjustment?

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode29.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:50pm PDT

The tale of the notorious Galaxy Towers and Joey's escape clause. Family secrets - why can't Grandma just tell everyone who she banged? Garlic farts, fact or fiction?

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode28.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:58pm PDT

What does a cuban egg roll, pop rocks and a woman's monkey have in common? JOEY "COCO" DIAZ!!! This short but crazy episode, could be our most explosive podcast yet. 

 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode27New.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:51am PDT

Dang, everywhere ya look there's that effing paper trail - thanks a lot internet! Joey lays down the law on social networking etiquette. Just how many rodeos has Felicia been to anyway? What Kardashian would be last on your f*ck buddy list? (Poor Bruce Jenner.) Joey explains why beach weddings and the groom's coke buddies, should never mix. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode26.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:18pm PDT

Dr. J and Sticky Charlie - Episode 25

Joey looks for an open mic stage while on vacation with the in-laws in Tennessee. Felicia tells the tale of getting her ass kicked in front of her passed out mother. Who da hell is Sticky Charlie and why does his memory still haunt Joey. We are proud to announce that we have received the best e-mail in podcast history and we are eager to share it. And of course, Dr J!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode25.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:19pm PDT

How do you kill a Sunday afternoon? Ya go to a Charles Bronson double feature BITCHES!!! Screw Jason Statham, Joey and Felicia break down the original "Mechanic." Joey reminisces about the guy that got him out of Jersey, in the nick of time. Felicia reveals her most embarrassing television appearance. Taxi drivers, friend or foe? Street thugs versus cross country skier - who's really the A-hole during a blizzard on the mean streets of Jersey?

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode24.m4a.mobile_med.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:11pm PDT

In For A Penny - In For A Pounding Episode 23

"Just For Men" hair dye, apparently not just for men. 2nd Moms, you can't live with out them - especially when they help you fence the goods. When a hooker offers you a deal, is it rude to inquire if she's at the beginning of her shift or the end of it? Joey shares the truth of rightfully getting his a** kicked by a little muscle Mary.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode23.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:21pm PDT

If you give a Martian a shovel, will he dig a hole? Is there an Idiots Guide to Tantric Sex? If a guy offers you money to help him into the mob - is it considered a "bringer" crime? Mental disease or mental weakness... What da hell is the difference!?!?!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode22.m4a.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:37pm PDT

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