Beauty and Da Beast Podcast w/ Joey Diaz and Felicia Michaels

Hooray! Comic extraordinaire Ritch Shydner joins us! Uncle Joey's Party Tip #1: Never do coke with a guy wearing a wig, C*cksuckas!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode113.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:57pm PST

First off, our hearts go out to our east coast listeners! Second thing, thanks to all our listeners for nominating us for a podcast award! Thirdly - stop making fun of Carney workers, it's really starting to hurt Joey's feelings. www.podcastawards.com Voting is open!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_112.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:17pm PST

Some people think the TSA stands for the Transportation Security Administration, others like Ari Shaffir, think it stands for Thousands Standing Around. As always we think he makes a pretty dang good point!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_111.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 9:40am PST

Hooray, It's Tagalog Time! w/ Edwin San Juan

Wanna know what it's like to leave the seminary, look celibacy in the eye, tell it to go screw itself, then do an open mic? Take a listen to the always funny Edwin San Juan!!! 

Direct download: BeautyandDaBeast_Episode110.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:40pm PST

Eureka - Everything you wanted to know about vapor technologies...

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode109.mp3
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:17am PST

George Perez stops by the studio to chat about the struggles and triumph of getting off parole.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_108.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:43pm PST

Our guest this week is none other than Head Writer and Executive Producer of Comedy Central's The Burn... Mr. Chris McGuire!!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode107.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:55pm PST

From HBO.com's "Enjoy It" Mr. Brody Stevens.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode_106.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:43pm PST

Hooray, it's our first remote! We visit the office of Joey's accupuncturist, Dr. Amy and discuss how her little army of pricks helped Madflavor.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode105_Dr.Amy.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 6:57pm PST

Can A Player Get Some Conversation!?! Episode 104 w/ Bert Kreischer

Bert "The Machine" Kreischer stops by the studio and reminds of us the first rule of comedy - what ever works, WORKS!!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast104_BertKreischer.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:13am PST

Beware of the man selling the rug, and if he offers you a cup of tea - RUN! With special guest Maz Jobrani!!!


I forgot to take my blood pressure medicine! And other lines one mumbles to a flight attendant on a plane after eating an edible. Ari Shaffir IS IN THE HOUSE!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode102.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 6:49am PST

Fellow podcaster and hilarious broad, Christina Pazsitzky joins us as we ponder such thoughts as, is a vagina really just an upside down pyramid scheme?

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode101.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:19pm PST

Actor Steven Bauer joins us to discuss all things SCARFACE! It's our 100th episode BITCHES!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode100.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:01am PST

MadFlavor: Close your eyes, what do you hear grasshopper? Lil' Esther: I hear a drunk in the corner, and the other comics in the back waiting to go on. MadFlavor: Do you hear your own hearbeat? Esther: No. MadFlavor: Do you hear the laughter which is at your feet?Esther: Madflavor, how is it that you hear these things?MadFlavor: Cuz' I've been doing it long enough C*CKSUCKER!!! Hooray! Comic and all around sweet girl, Lil' Esther joins us for a roundtable discussion about loving your life as a stand up comic.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode99.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 7:46am PST

Look I'll play a phone booth, if you promise to call. There's only one man we know of, who's appeared on the Tonight Show 60 times and was Sinatra's opening act for well over a decade. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Tom Dreesen. Brought to you by Audible.com and BallCancerSucks.com

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode98.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 5:37am PST

Boxing trainer Macka Foley joins us to talk about his favorite client James Franco, jobs you can find in the back of a flower shop and all things shady. Brought to you by www.AudiblePodcast.com/badb and www.BallCancerSucks.com

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_EPisode97.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:21am PST

How am I going to be Charles Bronson when I gotta change diapers!?! We are joined by Terri Diaz, Joey's lady love.. It's a very special 4th of July episode B*TCHES!!! Brought to you by Audible.com and BallCancerSucks.com

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode96.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:04am PST

Comedian Josh Wolf from Chelsea Lately, waxes poetic with us over wounded stingrays, peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, and the woman who loved to take pictures of her one horny broken eye. Psst...sometimes life loves to take little Joey Diaz for a ride!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode95.m4a
Category:general -- posted at: 3:58pm PST

Looking for words of wisdom? Uncle Joey says, "You have to spread those legs to get some dick!" Honestly, I have no idea who that woman is climbing the fence and screaming, "JOS ANTONIO, YOU DIDN'T MAKE YOUR BED THIS MORNING!" We're kicking it old school this week c*cksuckers!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode94.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:51pm PST

Bert "The Machine" Kreischer joins us as we chat about Lobster Fra Diovolo being the ultimate leg spreader, who has the aim of a poet, and why "Wow, I really don't care anymore..." is a way better feeling then falling in love. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode93.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:26pm PST

What does Marcus Aurelius, ball-gags, Buddha and crabs have in common you ask? Duncan Mutha F*ckin Trussell!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode92.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:56pm PST

Not for nuthin, but those are my balls you're squeezing - not a blood pressure machine. Um, I'm going to lay down on the floor, wake me up one minute before I gotta hit the stage. We were more then friends, we were each other's insurance policy. With special guest Josh Adam Meyers.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode91.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:06pm PST

This ain't no Jimmy Buffet concert cock sucka, we're leaving NOW! And other things people yell during the middle of a grift. With guitarest extraordinaire Gary Myrick, who illuminates for us the Austin music scene of the seventies. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode90.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 3:19pm PST

I mean honestly, how many times do I gotta ask a California Douche bag to stop kicking the back of my chair!?! C'mon, we want to see your real album collection, the one in the closet near the bottom of the pile. With special guest Law and Order writer, producer and stand up comic Mick Betancourt. Last but not least, all the fun little places you can spritz a little Hai Karate in a pinch.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_89.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 2:19pm PST

Let's cut to the chase. When Richard Pryor says to you, "After you're done wiping, do you think you could drive yourself over to Columbia Studios to help me work on a script?" You put the crossword puzzle down, flush the toilet and haul ass into Hollywood. Writer, Director, Producer Rocco Urbisci drops by and chats about all things Pryor and Carlin. Oh, and by the way, it's milk milk lemonade TIME!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode88.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:11pm PST

Comic extraordinaire and all around cool cat, Willie Barcena drops by and shares his thoughts on why mice attack, cows that jog, and learning in the nick of time how to turn your back on anger. Brought to you by Tainted Visions Art.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode87.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:45pm PST

Screw it! We ain't gonna make thirty.. You mean I dug the grave for nothing!?! It's true, in some circles the man who eats the hole turns to the pole. And yes, a bleeding ulcer can help a fella out during a bank heist. We are joined by Salvatore Polisi, former mobster and witness for the prosecution that imprisoned John Gotti, stops by the studio and chit-chats about infamous mobsters, and how he eventually opted out of the witness protection program. Brought to you by Tainted Vision Arts

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode86.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:55pm PST

Hey, you got fifty and I can get forty, let's go partners on a package! Things to do with a gas mask when you're bored. Going to Houston? You better take some vitamins and start doing some push-ups now. What can we tell you, the Devil likes to eat out... With very special guest Felipe Esparza!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode85.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:30am PST

Psst... You need some drugs, or a couple of easy women? No thanks, but do you know where I can get a good sandwhich? Look, I know you're trying to teach me about artistic truth and emotional recall, but it's starting to feel like you're clowning me. Hey, If you're going to shake me down, at least be a man and bring a gun. Red lights never counted, when Uncle Joey needed a package! With very special guest, actor Emilio Rivera from Sons of Anarchy.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode84.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:01am PST

Sometimes, linguine and clam sauce can save the day. Don't worry, your father's going to be allright...And other mumblings from a stone cold killer. Hooray! Sinatra just called and heard you had a problem. Look, here's all the juice you paid, but don't get me wrong - I gotta keep the principle. If all else fails, jab to the face, drop your right hand to the body, and bring your left hook up to the chin. This week's guest is former World Boxing Federation Super Cruiserweight Champion - Vinnie Curto! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode83.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:14am PST

What does Joey Diaz, The Captain and Tennille, a "Spoonful Of Sugar," and comic Wendy Liebman have in common!?! Mr. Cool Cat himself... Producer Jeff Sherman. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode82.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:54am PST

I'm DONE! But, If you need me I'll be back.. The story of the little speedbag that could. What sport league was the most romantic, you ask? The ABA BITCHES!!! The girl who needed to believe that Noriega was downstairs. With special guest, Emmy Award nominated actor Nicholas Turturro! Sweet Lord, this episode is FANF*CKINGTASTIC!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode81.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:01am PST

So...You're at your desk, hacking away, feverishly wishing that Beauty and Da Beast would devote a whole episode to all things MMA. YOU GOT IT BITCHES!!! With very special guest, Anderson Silva's manager himself, Ed Soares!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode80.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:24pm PST

Excuse me, is this an open mic or an Al-Anon meeting? The disturbing story of the young man who quit comedy on the day Bob Hope died. Ladies and gentlemen, the man, the Buckeye, Mr. Deathsquad himself... Brian Redban!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode79.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 4:42pm PST

What can we tell you, some people will eat a scab off a knee. The few, the proud, the men who use baby wipes when they go boom boom... With very special guest, Pakistan's number one model, comic extraodinaire - Brody Stevens!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode78B.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:15pm PST

Look, man to man... That chick in the negligee looks like Joey Diaz in a wig, you gotta get me outta here!!! With special guest Josh Wolf, from Chelsea Lately.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode78.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:37am PST

Hooray, Joey's back from knee surgery!!! Television producer, writer and director Ali LeRoi joins us and talks about going against the grain, wanting to send love letters to Lyle Waggoner and how he out punked Bernie Mac.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode76.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 11:15am PST

How to get a degree through the Florida State Prison System. The story of the idiot savant who shopped for porn. The woman who decreed, "Why I could just watch Joey Diaz eat crackers all day!!!" With special guest Bert Kreischer.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode75.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:18pm PST

L.A. lesson number one, never be eighteen dollars away from a twenty! Cowards, Squares and Satan, oh my... The Comedy Store X-Files: The Paul Mooney Complaint Folder. And finally, the story of the Automaton that could channel the underworld. Special Guest Duncan Trussell!!!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_74.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 12:59pm PST

Ahh, the good old days near the corner of Gardner and Sunset Boulevard... Go out with nothing, back at home by 8:30, with the cops looking for you, an eight ball, 100 dollars in your pocket, and the smell of p*ssy on your face. WHO'S BETTER THEN JOEY DIAZ!?! With special guest Ralphie May. 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeast_Episode73.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 9:29pm PST

Joey and Felicia talk about their favorite guests, soap opera drama and the felon who loved his gas can. Who are these funny women, and why won't they stop pitching a fit? Plus, a delicious bonus piece from the Midnight Mass Upstream with special guest Danielle Stewart.

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode72.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 1:49pm PST

What do vaginal meshes, cocaine vaseline, drive by shootings, flak vests, riots, bank take-overs, perps, gangs, autopsies and tantric sex - all have in common? Our first law and order episode BITCHES!!! And seriously, you did not just drop BIGGIE!?!

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode71.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 8:25pm PST

Uncle Joey and the Korean lady who became the kiss of death. The fart heard around the world. Sure, it's all fun and games until an angry mob of teenagers chase you down. It's a music episode BITCHES!!! 

Direct download: BeautyAndDaBeastPodcast_Episode70.m4a
Category:Comedy -- posted at: 10:59pm PST

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