Hooray! Comic extraordinaire Ritch Shydner joins us! Uncle Joey's Party Tip #1: Never do coke with a guy wearing a wig, C*cksuckas!!!

First off, our hearts go out to our east coast listeners! Second thing, thanks to all our listeners for nominating us for a podcast award! Thirdly - stop making fun of Carney workers, it's really starting to hurt Joey's feelings. www.podcastawards.com Voting is open!

Wanna know what it's like to leave the seminary, look celibacy in the eye, tell it to go screw itself, then do an open mic? Take a listen to the always funny Edwin San Juan!!! 

Eureka - Everything you wanted to know about vapor technologies...

George Perez stops by the studio to chat about the struggles and triumph of getting off parole.

Our guest this week is none other than Head Writer and Executive Producer of Comedy Central's The Burn... Mr. Chris McGuire!!! 

From HBO.com's "Enjoy It" Mr. Brody Stevens.

Hooray, it's our first remote! We visit the office of Joey's accupuncturist, Dr. Amy and discuss how her little army of pricks helped Madflavor.

Bert "The Machine" Kreischer stops by the studio and reminds of us the first rule of comedy - what ever works, WORKS!!! 

Fellow podcaster and hilarious broad, Christina Pazsitzky joins us as we ponder such thoughts as, is a vagina really just an upside down pyramid scheme?

Actor Steven Bauer joins us to discuss all things SCARFACE! It's our 100th episode BITCHES!!!

MadFlavor: Close your eyes, what do you hear grasshopper? Lil' Esther: I hear a drunk in the corner, and the other comics in the back waiting to go on. MadFlavor: Do you hear your own hearbeat? Esther: No. MadFlavor: Do you hear the laughter which is at your feet?Esther: Madflavor, how is it that you hear these things?MadFlavor: Cuz' I've been doing it long enough C*CKSUCKER!!! Hooray! Comic and all around sweet girl, Lil' Esther joins us for a roundtable discussion about loving your life as a stand up comic.

Look I'll play a phone booth, if you promise to call. There's only one man we know of, who's appeared on the Tonight Show 60 times and was Sinatra's opening act for well over a decade. Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Tom Dreesen. Brought to you by Audible.com and BallCancerSucks.com

Boxing trainer Macka Foley joins us to talk about his favorite client James Franco, jobs you can find in the back of a flower shop and all things shady. Brought to you by www.AudiblePodcast.com/badb and www.BallCancerSucks.com

How am I going to be Charles Bronson when I gotta change diapers!?! We are joined by Terri Diaz, Joey's lady love.. It's a very special 4th of July episode B*TCHES!!! Brought to you by Audible.com and BallCancerSucks.com

Looking for words of wisdom? Uncle Joey says, "You have to spread those legs to get some dick!" Honestly, I have no idea who that woman is climbing the fence and screaming, "JOS ANTONIO, YOU DIDN'T MAKE YOUR BED THIS MORNING!" We're kicking it old school this week c*cksuckers!

Bert "The Machine" Kreischer joins us as we chat about Lobster Fra Diovolo being the ultimate leg spreader, who has the aim of a poet, and why "Wow, I really don't care anymore..." is a way better feeling then falling in love. 

What does Marcus Aurelius, ball-gags, Buddha and crabs have in common you ask? Duncan Mutha F*ckin Trussell!!!

Not for nuthin, but those are my balls you're squeezing - not a blood pressure machine. Um, I'm going to lay down on the floor, wake me up one minute before I gotta hit the stage. We were more then friends, we were each other's insurance policy. With special guest Josh Adam Meyers.

This ain't no Jimmy Buffet concert cock sucka, we're leaving NOW! And other things people yell during the middle of a grift. With guitarest extraordinaire Gary Myrick, who illuminates for us the Austin music scene of the seventies. 

I mean honestly, how many times do I gotta ask a California Douche bag to stop kicking the back of my chair!?! C'mon, we want to see your real album collection, the one in the closet near the bottom of the pile. With special guest Law and Order writer, producer and stand up comic Mick Betancourt. Last but not least, all the fun little places you can spritz a little Hai Karate in a pinch.

Let's cut to the chase. When Richard Pryor says to you, "After you're done wiping, do you think you could drive yourself over to Columbia Studios to help me work on a script?" You put the crossword puzzle down, flush the toilet and haul ass into Hollywood. Writer, Director, Producer Rocco Urbisci drops by and chats about all things Pryor and Carlin. Oh, and by the way, it's milk milk lemonade TIME!!!

Comic extraordinaire and all around cool cat, Willie Barcena drops by and shares his thoughts on why mice attack, cows that jog, and learning in the nick of time how to turn your back on anger. Brought to you by Tainted Visions Art.

Screw it! We ain't gonna make thirty.. You mean I dug the grave for nothing!?! It's true, in some circles the man who eats the hole turns to the pole. And yes, a bleeding ulcer can help a fella out during a bank heist. We are joined by Salvatore Polisi, former mobster and witness for the prosecution that imprisoned John Gotti, stops by the studio and chit-chats about infamous mobsters, and how he eventually opted out of the witness protection program. Brought to you by Tainted Vision Arts

Hey, you got fifty and I can get forty, let's go partners on a package! Things to do with a gas mask when you're bored. Going to Houston? You better take some vitamins and start doing some push-ups now. What can we tell you, the Devil likes to eat out... With very special guest Felipe Esparza!

Psst... You need some drugs, or a couple of easy women? No thanks, but do you know where I can get a good sandwhich? Look, I know you're trying to teach me about artistic truth and emotional recall, but it's starting to feel like you're clowning me. Hey, If you're going to shake me down, at least be a man and bring a gun. Red lights never counted, when Uncle Joey needed a package! With very special guest, actor Emilio Rivera from Sons of Anarchy.

Sometimes, linguine and clam sauce can save the day. Don't worry, your father's going to be allright...And other mumblings from a stone cold killer. Hooray! Sinatra just called and heard you had a problem. Look, here's all the juice you paid, but don't get me wrong - I gotta keep the principle. If all else fails, jab to the face, drop your right hand to the body, and bring your left hook up to the chin. This week's guest is former World Boxing Federation Super Cruiserweight Champion - Vinnie Curto! 

What does Joey Diaz, The Captain and Tennille, a "Spoonful Of Sugar," and comic Wendy Liebman have in common!?! Mr. Cool Cat himself... Producer Jeff Sherman. 

I'm DONE! But, If you need me I'll be back.. The story of the little speedbag that could. What sport league was the most romantic, you ask? The ABA BITCHES!!! The girl who needed to believe that Noriega was downstairs. With special guest, Emmy Award nominated actor Nicholas Turturro! Sweet Lord, this episode is FANF*CKINGTASTIC!

So...You're at your desk, hacking away, feverishly wishing that Beauty and Da Beast would devote a whole episode to all things MMA. YOU GOT IT BITCHES!!! With very special guest, Anderson Silva's manager himself, Ed Soares!

Excuse me, is this an open mic or an Al-Anon meeting? The disturbing story of the young man who quit comedy on the day Bob Hope died. Ladies and gentlemen, the man, the Buckeye, Mr. Deathsquad himself... Brian Redban!

What can we tell you, some people will eat a scab off a knee. The few, the proud, the men who use baby wipes when they go boom boom... With very special guest, Pakistan's number one model, comic extraodinaire - Brody Stevens!!!

Look, man to man... That chick in the negligee looks like Joey Diaz in a wig, you gotta get me outta here!!! With special guest Josh Wolf, from Chelsea Lately.

Hooray, Joey's back from knee surgery!!! Television producer, writer and director Ali LeRoi joins us and talks about going against the grain, wanting to send love letters to Lyle Waggoner and how he out punked Bernie Mac.

How to get a degree through the Florida State Prison System. The story of the idiot savant who shopped for porn. The woman who decreed, "Why I could just watch Joey Diaz eat crackers all day!!!" With special guest Bert Kreischer.

L.A. lesson number one, never be eighteen dollars away from a twenty! Cowards, Squares and Satan, oh my... The Comedy Store X-Files: The Paul Mooney Complaint Folder. And finally, the story of the Automaton that could channel the underworld. Special Guest Duncan Trussell!!!

Ahh, the good old days near the corner of Gardner and Sunset Boulevard... Go out with nothing, back at home by 8:30, with the cops looking for you, an eight ball, 100 dollars in your pocket, and the smell of p*ssy on your face. WHO'S BETTER THEN JOEY DIAZ!?! With special guest Ralphie May. 

Joey and Felicia talk about their favorite guests, soap opera drama and the felon who loved his gas can. Who are these funny women, and why won't they stop pitching a fit? Plus, a delicious bonus piece from the Midnight Mass Upstream with special guest Danielle Stewart.

What do vaginal meshes, cocaine vaseline, drive by shootings, flak vests, riots, bank take-overs, perps, gangs, autopsies and tantric sex - all have in common? Our first law and order episode BITCHES!!! And seriously, you did not just drop BIGGIE!?!

Uncle Joey and the Korean lady who became the kiss of death. The fart heard around the world. Sure, it's all fun and games until an angry mob of teenagers chase you down. It's a music episode BITCHES!!! 

Who's missing an ear!?! The problem with calling everybody out in the neighborhood. Felipe Esparza drops by and talks about his experiences with the "rocks of hell." 

Joey hawks the wares of our sponsor... Not to be missed. Taken from the Midnight Mass Live Special on 12/24/11

The cookie Nazi returns. Joey goes deep on the Whitney Houston story. Special guest Vivid girl and erotic model Lux Kassidy!

Bored, need a drink, but you're locked up in Prison? All you need is a toilet, leftover fruit cocktail and a couple cubes of sugar - then it's PRUNO TIME BITCHES! Comic George Perez stops by and talks about what he learned about himself, after being sent to Wasco State Prison on Christmas Eve.

Wanna dodge the cops? Then act normal and walk like a civilian!!! The story about the man with the Mexican spine. Um, excuse me - can you Eddie Murphy it up a bit? Rick Ramos drops by to discuss, It Came From The Seventies... AKA Our slant on movie picks for the family during any holiday.

You got a paper route? Then hellz to the yeah, you can get a line of credit! Quick hide the Barbie Townhouse, Tati's coming over for coffee and a man to man chat. Special guest this week is none other then mixed martial arts commentator for the UFC Eddie Bravo, who squeals about his secret obsession.

Forget waterboarding, use Icy Hot as your new interogation technique. How to stand with friends, when da sh*t gets deep. Everybody's favorite girl scout, Danielle Stewart beguiles us with her tales of Strike Anywhere matches, men who set fires then wanna spoon, and her long ago secret addiction to Binaca.

The story of the fire eating dragon and the girl who loved toe jam. Beware of fat babies and their quick little fingers. Field trips to the liquor store. Sometimes in comedy you just need to put your tongue away, wash your face and never look back. Special guest is none other then super Hebrew, Ari Shaffir! C'mon America, DO THE HUSTLE!

The story of the fist fight and the Transvestite Karaoke Bar. F.y.i. we don't give a Frenchman's f*ck what you think, that woman looks like Ralphie May. Special Halloween guest - the Scream Queen herself, Jewel Shepard stops in the studio and shares how she was discovered by the director of the cult classic movie "Return of The Living Dead." 

The story of pingita and the old woman who screamed, "Bingo!" Just because you can fry a Steak umm and watch the devil fall in a hole, it still don't mean that makes you a man. Ladies and Gentlemen, Glenn Campbell!!! 

You gotta a situation that needs to be taken care of, and you wanna know the square root of 69? Call Joey's stepdad! We say, if you see a woman with her hula hoop - it's time for the REVOLUTION BITCHES!!! The wedding that Joey couldn't resist. Last but not least, the man that wore a dickie but couldn't have a drink.

Joey reveals his secret meatloaf ingredient. Things that scare Felicia in the dark when she's sober. Faceless anonymity on the internet is for C*CKSUCKERS! Our love affair with Texas is finally revealed.

Joey Diaz and Felicia Michaels animated!?! Based on musings from their popular RAWSOME podcast. 

Attack of the apocalyptic monkeys. What's really at the end of the rainbow - leather pants and an ear beating? Nail clippers that multi-task. Mr. Softy and the Museum of Knuckleheads. Hooray, we have new theme music thanks to Mr. Gary Myrick.

Been caught stealing, when I was 5.  Got a bowl movement up on deck, there's always the balcony. How to be a bookie when you ain't got Bank. Stop faking the funk as a nation!!

The skinny on furburgers. Burning bridges, and taking no prisoners - our ode to Doug Stanhope. The art of taking people's SH*T!!!

The man from Keen-tucky and his detective kit. Checking in on your skeletons. Joey creates his own perfume... Eu de Cuban egg roll.

The trials and tribulations of being a one man parade. Dracula arrives in East Orange. A prostitute goes rogue on Eye Witness news. The tale of the Tick Tock Hotel and the hottest nanny in town. When Hubba Bubba attacks!

The tale of the Chinese woman and the bucket full of poison. See why Yelp ranks Joey as one of the top 5 best tour guides in North Hollywood. The things you see behind your brother's eye, during a cocaine blizzard. Hooray!!! Georgie H. visits the studio for our 50TH EPISODE !!! 

Think before you ink. The tale of two Germans and the maid who lost her key. Crybabies, whiners and victims... Another typical Friday night at the movies.

Whether it be a random, spur-of-the-moment snapshot or a well-thought-out composition, phone sex photos ROCK! Joey shares a few tips on how to handle prison when one is faced with time. The inspirational tale of the girl who had to follow canned heat.

Joey waxes poetic over the great Roberto Clemente. Things you find when going anal. Sports camp confidential. The tale of the great 4th of July cake - American on the outside, Mexican on the inside.

Your fantasy heist still eating away at you after all these years? Curious about the things chicks do while their mouths are open and a handkerchief is in hand? Does  the Tao of Jeet Kune Do compel you?  Well, we got all the answers C*CKSUCKERS!!! 

Legendary tales from the Sacred Heart School for Boys. A man named Jack and his big ass stick. Single moms who yell, "Go for the ribs, don't let that bastard breathe!" The best bet is when you gamble on yourself. 

Confucius said, "Only the wisest and the stupidest of men never change." He also said, "Damn girl, you better stop dry-humping trolls!" Guest host Danielle Stewart and Joey talk about the ugly crash of hitting ones bottom, when getting sober. 

Guest co-host Danielle Stewart (Dani Skirts) is in the HOUSE! Damn you Luther Vandross, and your smooth and silky trickery!!! A certain cop riding your ass? No worries, call the local Bruja. Prince and Doug Stanhope, brothers from another Mother?

What do you do after giving the crypt-keepers a bump? You steal his keys of course... Miss sweet piece of meat herself, Comic Danielle Stewart drops by and talks about things you can wrap your tongue around. Old folks unite and open a sweet can of whoop ass. 

Your child suffering from night terrors? Not any more, after you slip a Beretta with a silencer into his hands. We bring you "The mystery of the bad chicken on Cinco de Mayo." Today's ambulances... Not your mother's meat wagon.

The real effin skinny on the Lawnmower Man. What do helicopters, porn and Lucky charms have in common? Hey Joey, "Is that Banana Bread in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" 

The tree of revenge does not carry fruit... Unless you have a heck of a lot of patience, and access to a lead pipe. Also, the tale of Lawrence Taylor and the rock that pissed him way off. Harry Dean Stanton, purveyor of filthy jokes? Hellz to the YEAH!!!

The tale of a girl in a halter top, and the heroin addict who wouldn't leave her alone. Uncle Joey's medical advice - always start the day off with a mega dose of the Prince of Darkness himself! Steven Tyler + Jersey Shore = Ass Whooping!

Joey quits smoking, AGAIN! Felicia reviews the documentary "American - The Bill Hicks Story." Things you can do in Philly when you are 13, with a sugar cube full of acid.

The adventures of a randy 12 year old and the neighborhood Milf. Family members that ya love to hate. The emotional enlightenment that murder fantasies can bring. We're back from vacation, BITCHES!

Prayer circles, arson - not just for grown-ups, steroids, and things that taste like a nutty Irishmen in the still of the night. 

Joey responds openly and honestly over a listener's e-mail. What to do when a cop pulls up next to you, as you are doing a line. Friends and the cool people they eventually become. Beware of the drunk Transexual and her ice cream scooper.

Joey talks about the bindles hidden in his mother's bra. The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club... Unless of course you have a PODCAST! Yes Virginia, sometimes Godfathers take you for an ice cream treat, sometimes they want to put a cap in your ASS! And of course, the tale of the wh*re with the bright idea.

Who's bright idea was it to let Joey guard the Bar Mitzvah presents? Friends that can't let go, but still have the nerve to want their damn money back. Christ - will someone please give Felicia a cup of joe and an attitude adjustment?

The tale of the notorious Galaxy Towers and Joey's escape clause. Family secrets - why can't Grandma just tell everyone who she banged? Garlic farts, fact or fiction?

Dang, everywhere ya look there's that effing paper trail - thanks a lot internet! Joey lays down the law on social networking etiquette. Just how many rodeos has Felicia been to anyway? What Kardashian would be last on your f*ck buddy list? (Poor Bruce Jenner.) Joey explains why beach weddings and the groom's coke buddies, should never mix. 

How do you kill a Sunday afternoon? Ya go to a Charles Bronson double feature BITCHES!!! Screw Jason Statham, Joey and Felicia break down the original "Mechanic." Joey reminisces about the guy that got him out of Jersey, in the nick of time. Felicia reveals her most embarrassing television appearance. Taxi drivers, friend or foe? Street thugs versus cross country skier - who's really the A-hole during a blizzard on the mean streets of Jersey?

"Just For Men" hair dye, apparently not just for men. 2nd Moms, you can't live with out them - especially when they help you fence the goods. When a hooker offers you a deal, is it rude to inquire if she's at the beginning of her shift or the end of it? Joey shares the truth of rightfully getting his a** kicked by a little muscle Mary.

If you give a Martian a shovel, will he dig a hole? Is there an Idiots Guide to Tantric Sex? If a guy offers you money to help him into the mob - is it considered a "bringer" crime? Mental disease or mental weakness... What da hell is the difference!?!?!

What exactly do boys do when they form a circle? Joey's best bud reveals all about Joey. If a cl*t freezes, will a tongue get stuck on it? It's the Holiday Show!

Joey tells a tale from Girlfriends past - the one that keeps calling, to reminisce while being tied up for bondage, waiting for her new boyfriend's Viagara to kick in. If a kid mistakenly eats some mushrooms - do you tell the parents, or quietly leave the house before he starts tripping? Guard Dogs and the way they like their burgers. And of course - who farted?

Joey tells the tale of getting busted by the cops, due to messy snow shoes, leaving the scene of a crime. If a woman's monkey does a freeze-on, will her clit write the long over-due letter to it's Dad? Inspiration... Why is it so damn hard to find!?!?

Joey talks about enticing the ladies with chopped up baby aspirin and Anbesol. The Black Friday strategy of shoplifting thoughtful gifts for the ones you hold dearest to you. Some dead dicks are for charity, and some for fancy dress, but when they're held for pleasure, these are the dead dicks that are liked the best...

What do you get your kidnapping victim on the 23rd Anniversary? How to find the best damn pistachio pudding in the prison system and if a man sticks his head inside a woman's vagina - will he finally find the elusive cone of silence?

Felicia talks about not feeling guilt, when one is found guilty as charged. Joey shares his story of seeing Pink Floyd's "The Wall" with Satan. And a sweet can of "whoop ass" is about to get opened, if a certain someone brings her mashed potatoes to Thanksgiving dinner - one more EFFING time!

How do you like your oral stories, gangsta style or with a side of backstage delight? Felicia explains how a Presidential Election and a Costco table can almost break up a friendship. Joey shares his story of emotional loss while on Window Pane acid. And of course - areolas...

Joey turns a false accusation into a revenue stream. If you dare a friend to eat mummified excrement, will he only eat one? Comic and film nut Rick Ramos stops by and the discussion of what bad ass actresses can take a punch to the kidney and steal a movie all in a day's work, breaks out.

Felicia steps up and shares her story about family. Joey tells a tale of revenge and the nightsweats it still brings on. Santana vs. Ozzie and if Adam Sandler directed your balls in a skit, are they eligible for membership in the Screen Actors Guild

Joey talks about his mom's handy work with sharp objects and the Chinese waiter who got in the way. How to trick the naive into becoming the perfect getaway driver and if a junkie nods in the bathroom will his grandma really hear?

Joey shares his story of mugging a hooker and burning her wig. His favorite Bruce Lee movie and the dirty habits of babies caught on ultrasounds.